You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
