well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
