I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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