My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
