just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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