Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
