i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
