Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
