I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
