Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
