Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
