i would punch a child for taco bell
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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