this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
