I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
