I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Come see our sink grown plant.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
