I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
