I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
