I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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