Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
