I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
