..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
