Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
