your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
