I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
