Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
