she was so not down for the gang bang
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
