it hurts more in the daytime
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
