I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
