if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
