This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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