I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
