Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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