So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
