Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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