I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
