Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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