and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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