waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
