Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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