if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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