I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
