i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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