You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
