Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
