It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
