Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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