My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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