So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
babies were throwing up all over the place
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
