Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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