you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
