Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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